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  “I’m fine,” I lied. “Thanks for the coffee.”

  “My pleasure. Always.” He gave me a genuine smile. Then it faded a bit as he continued. “Look, I don’t know any easy way to say this, so I’m going to just say it. Sawyer came to me and asked to be reassigned to a new lab partner.”

  All the air was sucked out of my lungs. He was truly severing all ties. He was completely letting me go. I had to place my hands firmly on the lab table to steady myself.

  “Why don’t you sit down?” Reese offered.

  I shook my head. I felt like I was frozen in place.

  Reese continued, “Sawyer will be working with my partner, Jesse and I’ll work with you.”

  I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat and willed myself not to cry. I searched the lab for signs of Sawyer and sure enough, his wheelchair was parked next to Jesse. I noticed that he wasn’t completely facing Jesse, though. He had his wheelchair turned in such a way that he could work and still look directly at me.

  He was actually staring at me right now.

  I suppressed the urge I had to stick my middle finger up at him. I felt so angry and hurt but as I watched him on the other side of the lab, staring at me, he looked even more miserable than I felt.

  Why was he doing this to me—to us? He was practically throwing me into Jude’s arms and I didn’t understand why. Did he feel that badly about himself? Did he really feel like he wasn’t whole—that he was only half a man?

  A tear streamed down my face and I tried my best to discretely wipe it away. I was pretty sure Sawyer saw it, though, because he turned away like he couldn’t face my tears.

  “So, I guess we’ll get to work?” Reese asked.

  “Of course,” I said as I tried to shake off all of the emotion I was experiencing. “Let’s get to it.”

  Six

  As I drove to The Little Theater, a saying that I sort of remembered from high school kept going through my head. It was about loving something and setting it free and having it come back to you if it’s really yours.

  I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s what Sawyer was doing: setting me free to see if I’d come back to him.

  As I parked in The Little Theater’s lot, I knew I was early but I wanted some time alone to catch my breath and just think.

  Or maybe I needed not to think so much.

  I sat there and took a few deep breaths then I closed my eyes and tried to visualize a relaxing scene. I was on a beautiful ocean beach, the soft sand sifting through my toes, I watched the lovely blue tide gliding in as I sipped a fruity iced drink with a long straw.

  Pounding. I was startled out of my quiet space by pounding on my passenger side window. I turned and caught sight of a cigarette dangling in the air.

  “Let me in,” Jude said as he took one final drag of his smoke and threw it to the ground.

  I flipped the power lock and Jude let himself into my car. He slid into the passenger seat and brought the slightest hint of tobacco scent with him. I usually hated the smell of cigarettes but on Jude, it was a little sexy.

  He stared at me with his startling green eyes.

  He truly is magnificent looking, I thought, as I took in his flawless features. He was so much like Sawyer but taken up a few notches.

  And he was looking at me like he wanted to devour me right there inside my dad’s car. He had so much desire in his eyes it made my entire body shudder in response.

  “Did you talk to our boy, Sawyer?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  “And?” he pushed.

  Our eyes met and every nerve ending in my body was activated. I cleared my throat but still found it difficult to speak. Jude’s energy was overwhelming.

  “You were right,” I managed to say.

  He gave me a cocky little grin. I wanted to slap the smug smile off of his face as much as I wanted to kiss him.

  I was suddenly very hot. There was so much sexual tension in the small space I was almost suffocating in it.

  It didn’t help that it had been almost a year since I’d had any action. My entire body ached with desire.

  The only problem was that whenever I thought about having sex, which I did with increasing frequency, my fantasy always included Sawyer and doing it in his wheelchair.

  I wasn’t sure that was actually even possible but I so wanted to find out.

  But here I sat with a gorgeous guy, who obviously wanted me, and Sawyer didn’t. Even though I wasn’t a rocket scientist, I was a scientist, and I knew I should take what I could get.

  And believe me, Jude did not feel like I was settling at all.

  “So,” Jude said as he ran a finger slowly up my forearm, sending another round of electricity through my body. “Do you want to hang out with me?”

  “I told you that I don’t just hang out with guys,” I replied.

  He actually looked a little pained but it didn’t stop him from continuing to play with my arm. This time, he found one of my most sensitive spots, the inside of my elbow. When he touched me there with his finger, I took in a sharp breath. This time, the current that ran though me went straight to my core. I could feel myself getting wet and my only thought was of releasing the tension that was building deep within me.

  “I don’t usually take girls on dates,” Jude said. “But for you, I would definitely make an exception.”

  What was it with guys and dating, or more specifically Sawyer and Jude and dating? Neither one of them wanted to date yet I got the feeling it was for completely different reasons. I thought Sawyer wanted to protect himself from getting hurt. I thought Jude just got laid without having to put much more effort into it.

  I guess he thought I was worth some effort. That actually made him even more attractive, if that was possible.

  “Okay,” I said. I felt like I was almost daring him to woo me.

  He bit the side of his lip as if he was trying to restrain that cocky little grin of his. “Okay, what?” he taunted.

  “If you ask me on a date, I’ll consider it.”

  That made him laugh. I got the feeling he wasn’t used to girls not falling all over him. He wasn’t used to having to work for it.

  “Are you free to accompany me on a date this Friday evening?” He was actually using a haughty fake British accent. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “That would be lovely,” I replied.

  “Shall I pick you up at seven?” He was still using the fake accent.

  “Seven would be wonderful.”

  Then, to my surprise, he grabbed my hand. He pulled my knuckles toward his mouth and placed a soft kiss on them.

  At that moment, I was convinced that Jude had the ability to charm the pants off of any woman, including me.

  I had a sinking feeling I was going to have my pants charmed right off on Friday night.

  Jude couldn’t keep his eyes off me throughout the rehearsal. He kept glancing in my direction, giving me sly smiles and quick winks.

  It didn’t go unnoticed by Alyssa. She glared at me with so much hatred I thought she could set me aflame with the fire in her eyes.

  Summer noticed, too, and her glare was equally as unnerving.

  The only one who didn’t seem to care was Larry. He was barking orders and telling me to jot down notes and he didn’t seem fazed by anything else.

  Summer was so angry with me she actually ran her wheelchair into me at one point and didn’t even apologize. When we found ourselves alone for a moment near the back of the theater, I whispered, “What’s up with you?”

  She didn’t even bother with a verbal response, she simply scowled.

  “It’s your brother who doesn’t want to be with me,” I muttered although I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t owe her an explanation.

  She frowned. “He’s crazy about you.”

  I folded my arms across my chest. “He has a funny way of showing it.”

  “He’s afraid you’ll leave him. Like Steffani and the other girls.”

  Ot
her girls? How many others had there been? “He didn’t even bother to give me a chance,” I hissed. I wasn’t sure why I was getting mad at Summer. None of what happened between me and Sawyer was her fault.

  “Jude’s a jerk,” she said.

  “He may be but at least he has the courage to ask me out. That’s more than I can say for Sawyer.”

  “I don’t like to see him in so much pain.” She blinked back tears. I could see she really cared about her brother.

  I could feel a tug on my heartstrings as I thought about Sawyer in pain. Especially pain that I no doubt had a hand in creating.

  But what could I do? He made it pretty clear he didn’t want to be with me. Maybe it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with me—maybe he just couldn’t.

  “Please don’t go out with Jude,” he eyes were pleading with me.

  “I already accepted a date with him.”

  She heaved a disappointed sigh. Without saying another word to me, she rolled away.

  Confusion swarmed around in my head like a nest of hornets. Jude wanted me, he made that clear. I could see his desire for me in his eyes. But I wasn’t sure I felt anything for him beyond pure lust.

  Not that lust was a bad thing; it just wouldn’t be a lasting thing.

  What I felt for Sawyer was different. What I felt for Sawyer was all-encompassing.

  What I felt for Jude permeated my body but what I felt for Sawyer permeated my heart and soul.

  After Helen dismissed everyone for the evening, I held back while everyone else hurried out the door. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for but I think part of me wanted to see Sawyer when he picked up Summer.

  I think I just wanted to catch a glimpse of him, to see if just the sight of him still sent chills through my body, to see if my heart still stopped a few beats when he looked in my direction.

  I wanted to see the look in his eyes when he looked at me—the look of knowing me like no one else ever did—or maybe ever could.

  When the theater was still and quiet, I walked out the door. As I expected, Summer had her wheelchair parked at the far end of the theater, away from the actors, who were huddled against the backstage door, smoking and laughing.

  I should have known that as soon as Jude caught sight of me, he’d be heading in my direction. I watched as he took one last long drag on his cigarette and threw it to the ground as he headed toward me.

  “Hey, Babe,” he said as he slung an arm around me. I didn’t like that he called me the same name I had heard him call Alyssa. It kind of grated on my nerves a little.

  “Please don’t call me that,” I stated under my breath.

  “Call you what?” He looked genuinely confused. Maybe he didn’t even realize he was using the diminutive.

  “Babe.”

  He gave me his cocky little grin. “What do you want me to call you?”

  “How about just calling me Maggie?”

  “Whatever you want, Maggie.”

  His gaze caught mine and my breath caught. He put his mouth right up to my ear and his breath tickled my earlobe. “Maybe someday I’ll be able to call you mine,” he whispered.

  My body got tingly at the thought of being with Jude, of being his. But then I came to my sense just as quickly. He was a player. The guy you have a good time with.

  I certainly didn’t expect anything serious with him. Jude was the type of guy who waited until he was in his thirties before he got serious with anyone. And when he finally did get serious, it was with someone who looked like Alyssa, certainly not with someone like me.

  Jude still had his arm slung over my shoulder when Sawyer pulled up with his family’s van to pick up Summer.

  I wanted desperately to step away from Jude. I didn’t want his arm around me when Sawyer got out of the van.

  But isn’t that exactly what Sawyer wanted? Didn’t he say he wanted me to be with a guy who was, in his words, whole? I was just giving him what he wanted, wasn’t I?

  I thought he might just put the lift down and not bother to get out of the van himself but he did.

  Just like he had the other night I’d seen him, he rolled out of the other side of the van.

  I wasn’t prepared for what I saw when he turned his wheelchair toward me and our eyes met. His pain was so palpable it nearly brought me to my knees. I didn’t know if it was because of the connection between us but I could feel every ounce of his pain as his eyes blazed into mine.

  He was so raw with so much turmoil, I had to fight the urge to throw myself into his arms and hold him so tightly he didn’t have a choice but to be with me because I’d never let him go.

  Jude must have sensed my urge to bolt because he pulled me closer and held me tighter. He was sending a message to Sawyer: she’s with me now.

  I wasn’t sure I liked it.

  A million other girls on the planet probably would have killed to be claimed in such a way by Jude but all I could think about was Sawyer, and the pain on his face, and how I could make it go away.

  The only problem was that he still wasn’t willing to let me.

  I swallowed hard when I saw that Sawyer was rolling towards us. I didn’t want another confrontation like the two guys had the other night. But I wasn’t sure it could be avoided. Sawyer’s eyes were planted firmly on Jude, like a missile aimed at its target.

  Sawyer stopped right in front of Jude and the two guys stared at each other. I tried to move but Jude had a death grip on me.

  “Don’t fuck with her,” Sawyer said. I had never seen him so serious. Sawyer was usually trying to make people laugh. No one was laughing now. “She’s not the type of girl you fuck around with.”

  My entire body tensed because I wasn’t sure how Jude was going to respond to Sawyer’s threats. He could have reacted with anything from laughter to violence.

  To my surprise, Jude simply said, “I know.”

  Sawyer’s eyes narrowed as if he couldn’t believe Jude’s response either. He continued, “If you hurt Maggie, I’ll hurt you.”

  I could feel my heart nearly beating out of my chest. Summer was right. Sawyer obviously really cared about me. But then why did he want me dating other guys? He practically threw me into Jude’s arms.

  Jude nodded. “I know,” he replied again. Was it really that simple? And was Jude really going to treat me differently than he treated other girls? I found that hard to believe.

  Sawyer gave a quick glance in my direction. All the resolve he had in his eyes when he was threatening Jude quickly evaporated and all that was left was pain.

  I could feel pangs in my own heart as I felt Sawyer’s pain. In that moment, the only thing I wanted to do was put my hand on Sawyer’s face, and take his pain away. I wanted to be able to tell him everything was going to be okay.

  But I wasn’t sure it ever would be.

  Sawyer didn’t say another word. He just spun his wheelchair around and rolled away.

  After Sawyer and Summer were gone, Jude placed a light kiss on the top of my head. He was still holding me; he hadn’t let me go yet. Then he turned me to face him.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  I didn’t want to lie to Jude. That was no way to start a relationship—if that’s what we were starting—I didn’t even know. I guess somewhere deep inside I expected to have just a fling with Jude. I was starting to sense that he wanted more and that scared the shit out of me.

  “I’m not sure,” I replied.

  “Maybe this will help.” He leaned down and gave me a feather light kiss. It tickled my lips. He tasted like mint gum with the slightest tint of tobacco.

  “Is that okay?” he whispered.

  I felt like I needed to be anchored, my head was swimming out of control with so many conflicting thoughts: about Jude, about Sawyer, about everything.

  I nodded.

  He gave me that cocky half grin of his and I could feel my lips part as I anticipated his next move. He kissed me again, this time slipping his tongue into my mouth. I moaned slightly a
s he continued his pursuit of my mouth. Jude obviously had a lot of practice because he was an expert kisser. All of the nerve endings in my entire body sprang to attention as he pulled me close and I could feel him getting hard beneath his jeans.

  I could feel myself getting a little damp between my legs, which had never happened just from kissing a guy before. Usually it took a little more work on the guy’s part. Of course, I had never kissed anyone like Jude before.

  The only problem was that I kept seeing Sawyer’s face. I was kissing hot and sexy Jude, getting turned on more than I ever had been in my life, and the only vision I had, that I couldn’t get out of my head no matter how hard I tried, was Sawyer.

  When Jude took a break, he ran his thumb down my cheek as he looked into my eyes. “You’re so beautiful,” he said. “Like an angel.”

  If his eyes weren’t so earnest, if his face didn’t look so serious, I would have thought it was a line.

  I parted my lips, as if to speak, but no words came out. I just kept looking into Jude’s magnificent eyes. They held so much depth. There was a lot more to this player than he let on.

  He caressed my cheek and little shivers prickled my body. “I’ll see you Friday. I’m really looking forward to it.”

  “Me, too,” I squeaked out.

  One last soft kiss and he turned and walked away.

  I stood there, unable to move for a moment, wondering what the fuck I had just gotten myself into.

  ***

  I was startled by the sound of my cell phone ringing. When my first thought was that I hoped it was Sawyer, I knew I was really messed up in the head. I was dating Jude now, we kissed, we were going out on Friday night, and my first thought was that I wanted to talk to Sawyer. Really messed up in the head.

  But to my surprise, it was my mother.

  “We picked up your car from the shop,” she said when I answered the phone. “If you come by tomorrow, you can drop off your dad’s car and take yours.”

  “Thanks,” I replied.

  “Just don’t wreck it again, please.”

  “I won’t. I promise.”

  ***

  My dad was glad to get his car back, even though he rarely used it. I think it gave him a sense of freedom just knowing it was there if he decided to go out.